My first prediction for last night’s episode was proven wrong in the first 30 seconds. Ryan didn’t wear the t-shirt and jeans. In fact, he was back in another collared shirt and jacket — with no sign of a t-shirt underneath. This was in remarkable contract to contestant Bobby’s wardrobe, whose all black suit and shirt was matched with a white t-shirt that made him look like a priest from certain angles.

Opening credits. Look, it’s all the previous Idols. Is Rueben still alive?

First video montage’s theme: “The girls didn’t disappoint us last night.” The heck they didn’t. This is AI trying to be nice, going so far as to edit in the one kind thing the three judges said about a person in a desperate attempt to make Tuesday night’s show sound more exciting than it was. They even found a clip of Randy saying something nice about Becky past “you’re pretty.”

In the opening interview with the judges, Paula continues to confuse having a “unique” voice with one that stands out. It’s something we saw plenty of awful contestants confuse in the try-outs for the past two months.

That leads us to the montage of “How the Guys Got Here,” which leads us to a montage of commercials.

The first is for the Ford Fusion that starts off like an iPod ad. Weird.

Did you notice the “Coca-Cola” moments were more subdued than ever this week? The Coke logo appears in the bottom of the screen and, if you look hard enough, you’ll notice the coke bottle pattern on the couch Randy is talking to the contestants on. I like it - it’s subtle enough to not be obnoxious, and I’ve trained myself not to see corporate logos on the bottom of my television screen at this point.

All 12 performances critiqued after the break.

Patrick (27 years old) is the first up, singing “Come To My Window.” You might remember last year that Paula was recommending that more of the guys try songs made famous by female artists, and vice versa. Not a bad idea, but this wasn’t his song. It might have been nerves, though. He has a nice voice, but it wasn’t properly showcased last night.

In a couple of spots, he looked and sounded just like Clay, which he said he was desperate not to do. It’s not a Crash And Burn situation here, but it is a mild disappointment. But he’s only the first singer. Someone is bound to screw up worse, right? Oh, yeah. . .

David (17) starts off sounding like crooner John Stevens and winds up acting too much like Jon Peter Lewis during his version of “A Crazy Little Thing Called Love.” He commits the same sin as Paris last night in overacting and turning it into a Vaudeville routine. Whereas the judges loved Paris for it Tuesday night, they hated David for it last night. Go figure. It was a bit hammy, but I’ll give him points for being entertaining and having good vocals in spite of that.

As the judges pounded away on him, though, I thought he was going to be our first crier of the season. He sucked it up and held it together, though, at least long enough to get off stage first.

Bucky (28) is our long-haired country bumpkin who decided to drop his country act for a southern rock act. Beau Bice did that better last year. He’d have been better off going the Josh Gracin all-country route. Singing “Simple Man” from Lynyrd Skynyrd was different from everything else on AI so far, but not very memorable. Plus, it looked like he was playing air guitar through parts of it. Bizarre.

Paula’s comments included the word “journey,” which no doubt got everyone playing the AI Drinking Game immediately toasty.

Simon compared him to a bar singer, which is the nicer way of saying “karaoke,” without incurring the drinking game penalty.

This also began another new game for the night: taking oblique shots at Constantine. Throughout the episode, there were two or three comments about fake rockers or people who thought they controlled the crowd but were really poseurs. I think they were all aimed at Constantine. Ouch.

Ryan ended on a funny note discussing the AI “journey.” I paraphrase: “We’ll see how you change, Bucky. Next week, you’ll have spiked hair.”

Will (16) sang “I Want You Back” by the Jackson Five. It doesn’t matter what I say here. The teenaged girls are going to eat this kid up. He’ll stick around another week or two based on their love alone.

He sang the song because he remembered it well from his childhood. When will these kids learn that singing songs you liked as a kid almost NEVER goes over well. Karaoke songs work better than that. You need to pick songs to show off some aspect of your voice, or that are in your range — not just because you happened to like them as a five year old.

He’s got a great voice, but he needs to do a ballad next week to prove it to everyone again. A lot of guys went off the rails last night trying to do something different instead of something they’d be strong with. It was weird.

Sway (28) was up next just to give Ryan the segue, “Where there’s a Will, there’s a Sway.” That was a beautiful thing. Whoever scheduled that into the episode deserves an Emmy for production.

Then Sway sung. I’m sure I’m going to get flamed for this, but I’m giving him the first Crash And Burn ranking of the night. He stunk. His falsetto of Earth Wind & Fire’s “Reasons” was all over the place. It was weak. The transitions to his normal voice and back were horrid. He was fluttering in search of the key. If he were a fish, I’d throw him back.

Randy and Paula loved him. I just didn’t see it.

I loved it when Simon called him “Pimpy,” though.

Chris (26) finally brought the place to life with a Bon Jovi song, of all things. “Dead or Alive” was a song he liked from karaoke, but don’t hold that against him. And don’t hold it against me that I’m from New Jersey. He finally hit all the right notes — literally and figuratively. He injected himself into the song. It matched his voice. He was memorable. And he was definitely the first stand out performance of the night.

Plus, he seems like an incredibly nice guy. You want to root for him.

The oddest thing about his performance was the presence of a male backup singer. Don’t hear too many of them on AI.

Kevin (16) is the kid I wanted to root for. He’s the youngest. He’s diabetic. But bringing out Brian McKnight’s “One Last Cry” was a mistake. I thought he was weak. He was another voice fluttering in search of a key. He was all over the place out of tune, with bad transitions.

And, though I’m sure I’ll get flamed for this too, he’s the second Crash And Burn of the night.

I agree with Simon, who called it “vocally verging on excruciating.”

On the other hand, he’s the cute little yappy puppy that everyone wants to hug. He’ll get the votes — he won’t be out this week.

Gedeon (17) looks about ten years older than he really is, and gets the award for lousiest song choice of the night. Whose bright idea was “Shout”?!? That is not the kind of song you sing on AI to show off a range past two notes. The performance wasn’t all that memorable for a song that’s clearly meant to be a performance song. I just didn’t like it.

Plus, his huge ego grates on me even more than his toothy perma-grin bothers Simon.

Elliot (missed his age) brings the show back on track. Simon called him the best male vocalist in the series’ history, and I’m inclined to agree. He’s effortless and strong, singing Stevie Wonder’s “If You Loved Me.” It’s a song that shows off his range. The only distracting things are his Prince Charles ears and Abe Lincoln beard. That can be fixed, though. I put a little star next to him in my show notes. He has to be in the Final 6 for the boys.

Bobby (19) goes with Barry Manilow’s “Copa Cabana.” It’s spectacularly memorable, with arms flailing, cheesy smiling, and reckless abandon. All caution is thrown to the wind. It’s memorable. It’s awful. It’s great. It’s a cabaret performance with a New York accent. The ending is awful, though, as he missed all the notes.

He clearly confused me and entertained me all at the same time.

He’s entertaining as all heck, though. But, in Simon’s words, “Horror films entertain me.”

I don’t think he’ll make the final 12, but I want him to stick around another week or two until he bores me.

Ace (25) doesn’t need my help. I’m a flaming hetero and even I’m attracted to the guy. It’s weird. But he did a great job with “Father Figure,” as weird as that is. Being the object of mass attraction for American females everywhere, you have to wonder if choosing a song by a man best known today for getting his sexual pleasures in a park port-o-potty was really sending the right message.

But not only did he nail the song, he almost made me forget its origins. He’s as safe as they come, unless America believes that, too, and forgets to vote for him.

Taylor (29) wrapped things up with the first Elton John song of the season, “Levon.” And he did so spectacularly. Taylor is a shoo-in for the Top 12, should America not stupidly forgot to vote for him, too. He’s got a strong voice, he’s memorable, and he’s entertaining. He’s everything this show needs. I’m sure he’ll polarize a certain segment who get uncomfortable watching him, but I’m a huge fan. He even has a little George Huff in his bounciness. He might have needed a slightly stronger finish to the song, but I liked him a lot last night.

His father stares straight ahead like a tool of the devil, but Taylor should be safe in spite of that.

Overall, I think the contest is fairly even between the boys and the girls right now, but I hate when reality shows try to turn everything into a battle of the sexes. So let’s see what happens tonight. I’d throw Sway and Kevin home tonight, but I don’t think either of those will happen. I think America will kick out Patrick and Bucky.

Come back tomorrow to find out.

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 23rd, 2006 at 10:00 am and is filed under American Idol. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.