AI fans have to read this one. Use a stuffy British accent as you do, to accentuate the article’s gravitas. It’s hilarious.
If the most recent round of voting on “American Idol” had been based on costuming and presentation, young Paris Bennett would have gotten the ax this week instead of Lisa Tucker. Dressed in tight blue jeans, a tight yellow tunic, a tight purple suede jacket and a pair of ivory jeweled showgirl pumps, Bennett seemed to have taken all her styling tips from a Baby Phat runway show — an unwise decision unless one’s intention is to resemble what might affectionately be called a hussy. Tucker’s only distracting tics were excessive use of iridescent blue eye shadow and a tendency to make a boo-boo face every time judge Simon Cowell declared elements of her performance painful enough to set one’s teeth on edge. [...] Thank goodness for Seacrest’s newfound gravitas, since this season the show is cursed with silly boys with bad hair. When Bucky Covington isn’t doing a full-on roller set, his hair looks like it has been greased up with a week’s worth of gel, Dirt and WD-40. Ace Young has self-conscious boy-band hair that almost certainly requires a worrisome amount of mirror time. But luckily, Elliott Yamin’s hair is growing out and soon he will no longer resemble an elf.
The article also mentions Mandisa’s last name, if you’re curious.