Various and Sundry: Now Everything But Photography

Every week I vow to take less notes, write up less, and get this thing done quicker. Every week, I fail.

This week, the songs are all performed acoustically, which means the handy addition of four people on strings in the House Band, and a dedicated piano player throughout. I imagine we’re only a week or two away from the gospel choir now.

Zayra began the night with her original Spanish language song, “Lluvia De Mar.” For the first time in the competition, she sounded good. The girl actually does have a voice. I just think she doesn’t sing well in English, or maybe it’s just the rock styling. She sounded great, but she’s not right for the band.

And since it’s acoustic night, she had to play the guitar, too, while wearing a studded black bra and red drapery for a skirt.

Magni followed that up with an awesome rendition of David Bowie’s “Starman.” Oddly, he turned into Josh this week for his performance, kind of grooving up on stage and bobbing his head along to the music. He was the first to reach back for the Longest Final Note contest they seemed to have going in the show last night. You could see his veins popping on his forehead as he held that note. Impressive.

In case you didn’t know he was from Iceland, the pale and bald Magni wore a white suit. If it weren’t for the stubble on his face, the camera would have had a very hard time finding him on stage. He reflected so much light that I’m sure he blinded the front rows.

Patrice did The Police’s “Message In A Bottle.” She had a good voice, but her stage presence was off and the whole thing sounded karaoke. There wasn’t enough there there, you know?

Speaking of questionable wardrobe choices, Patrice rocked bicycle shorts. Huh.

I think the band should put her out of her misery this week. She’s not going to win, and the band just hammers her week after week. She’s managed not to cry in front of them yet, but it’s only a matter of time.

Lukas did Chad Kroeger’s “Hero,” best known as the Spider-Man movie hit single. He sat on a purple throne with his legs crossed while playing the guitar. As with many of the contestants last night, he pawned off any negative comments with, “Yeah, but we rocked in Vegas, didn’t we? I’m rock. I still haven’t recovered.” UGH

In any case, he sounded great. He closed his voice back down again — and Jason called him on it — but he rearranged the song nicely.

He also had duct tape on his arm to approximate a thick tattoo. He’s so punk.

Storm sunk to Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive.” It was gravally and nasally and she grabbed her crotch, but the band loathed it. Dave compared it negatively to Marty’s “Hit Me Baby One More Time” performance last season. For sure, she could have done more with the song, but she did hit a hell of a long note at the end. I think Magni is still ahead at this point in the competition, though.

Tommy Lee said the song was “sauteed in wrong sauce.” Ouch.

I was shocked none of them compared her to a wedding singer afterwards. Maybe they edited that out?

Toby did Peter Gabriel’s “Solsbury Hill” with Gilby on guitar, and I hated it. He looked bored throughout the song. The arrangement was repetitive and boring. His attempts to pop the “boom boom boom”s failed for me. His drum playing at the end was a step up from the megaphone of last week, but it didn’t save it for me. It’s tough to compete with Gabriel’s voice, but I don’t think Toby was up for it.

The band wildly disagreed with me, though. They thought it was perfect. Hey, it’s their band. . .

Ryan did Phil Collins’ “In The Air Tonight.” It was fine. I wanted him to rock it a little harder when it went up tempo, but he still changed things up enough to be noticeable.

In some parts of the song last night, I thought he sounded like Michael Stipe, oddly enough. And if you want to talk about people with odd stage presences, there’s your man. . .

Dilana finished the night with “Cats In The Cradle.” I don’t know why we’re still carrying on with this competition. In my mind, she’s won it already. She’s got everything this band needs and wants. You can’t take your eyes off of her, even in the slower parts of the songs. She seizes every moment, not wasting a second of her stage time. She’s confident, and she has a strong voice.

She also had a wardrobe that included a cross hanging at crotch level. And, during the performance, we got to see just how little rhythm white women have — every time they cut to the audience, there was someone there looking lost and trying to clap along to a beat that only they were hearing. Or, it could just be bad editing.

The early bottom three: Zayra, Patrice, and Toby.