Another night. Two more grueling hours. Lotsa bullet points.

• The show began to the tune and stylings of the old DALLAS soap opera. How many kids in that cattle call have ever seen an episode of that show, do you think? How many of them were born AFTER the show went off the air on Friday nights on CBS? How many of them would have a clue what the gag there was?

• We begin the night with the heart-warming tale of single mother and meth addict, Jessica Sierra. Wait, no. Let me check my notes again. Her name is Jessica Brown. She’s freshly recovered from her meth addiction, but her mug shots make her look exactly like Jessica Sierra. Funny how that works? Funnier still, she would never have been allowed this far into the competition a couple of years ago. She’s too fresh out of rehab. She talked in her prepackaged piece about how Carrie Underwood’s Jesus Take The Wheel helped her recover. And she has a two year old child. Do the math. It ain’t pretty. I can’t believe IDOL is so desperate for contestants with stories that they let her through.

• She can sing, though.

• I think I might like Italian opera. I’m not sure what those two were doing, though.

• I love my HDTV. You can see the specular highlights catch lights in Simon’s eyes every time the camera cuts to him.

• Brandon Green has a bad habit of peeling his finger nails, which will earn him ZERO votes from the ladies he so desperately needs to woo as voters down the line. And then he tried to explain it to Paula Abdul, who once testified in front of Congress to lobby for better health codes for nail salons. Life sure is funny sometimes.

• Alaina (missed her last name) is this year’s charity case. They had one like her last year. You knew they weren’t good enough to go to Hollywood, but for the sake of a good time, let them through anyway, so they can be crushed in the first two days of Hollywood Hell Week. That’s the new Idol charity case syndrome.

• Simon was playing with Randy and Paula here. He knew they’d say no, so he played the role of the ‘nice guy.’ Then, Randy wilted and Alaina made it through. Whoops. It’s all about good TV, right?

• The judges really are going out of their way this year to be nice to everyone. I want Mr. Nasty Simon back, stat. It was much more fun. At least the judges seem to be having fun, and not arguing amongst themselves, this year.

• Katie Malloy sang “Unchained Melody” and took Simon’s heart. She’s definitely one to watch out for in Hollywood. Her Britney impersonation was spot on, too. Plus, she’s 18 and blonde. IDOL used to be about contestants like her. In the last couple of years, it’s turned into the show about people taking their last stab at fame before consoling themselves to a life singing karaoke, at bars, at weddings, or backup for big name talent. I miss the younger show.

• Along the same lines, does every contestant this year have to have children? There’s an IDOL baby boom going on, to the point where one went into labor at the cattle call.

• Douglas Davison is Dwight Schrute. When he sang “Livin’ On A Prayer,” I wanted to scream, “Yeah, that’s Billy Joel’s song!” But how many people will remember the reverse screw-up of that last night and realize I was joking? ::sigh:: If you have to explain it, it ain’t funny.

• Angela Reilly is the girl who made everything into a show-stopping Broadway showtune, and whose model newlywed husband helped her pick songs. (”Love is deaf,” Simon said.) I got a kick out of watching Chad play with his wedding ring constantly. I know that feeling from recent experience.

• Kyle Ensley is very nearly the second Idol Charity Case. He can actually sing, but I think he’s more musical theater than American Idol.

• Colton Swon — Mr. Blond Porcupine Hair — won’t make it far, I don’t think, but deserves a chance in Hollywood.

• What, does every city have someone who can whistle the crickets sound?

• Drew Popelreitter (sp?) is the ultimate Farm Boy. I think he’s going to prove to be too country. I doubt he can be versatile enough, but we’ll see where he goes.

• “Guyliner.” HA!

• And the grand finale — the contestant we’ve all been waiting for — the 44 year old pimp Burger King/Disco King guy — was hilarious. Again, we see the judges having fun, singing and dancing along with a contestant who just doesn’t know better.

• Or, if you’re the particularly sensitive type, you don’t like the way IDOL once again makes fun of someone for whom English is clearly not their first language.

• I thought the song was hilarious, though. Ryan looked weirded out at the whole thing, though.

Next week: San Diego! I could spot the convention center and the Padres’ new park in the backgrounds already. Looks like the cattle call was at the convention center, and the call backs to the judges were in a local hotel. I couldn’t tell which one it was from those brief clips at the end of the show. Maybe we can all figure that out together next week. (Yes, I’m sure the info is easily available on-line and all, but the thrill of the search is the fun here. And I miss the San Diego Comic Convention so badly.)

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