American Idol 7 – Atlanta Try-Outs

American Idol logoBlogging it as I watch it. . .

The sound of “Devil Went Down To Georgia” makes my Guitar Hero III wrists ache already.

I’m sorry, lady, but I’m not impressed that you’re 70 years old and up at 5 a.m. Most people that age have long given up sleep. 5 a.m.? That’s for wusses! She probably gets up to have her oatmeal at 4 a.m. the rest of the week.

And the sun comes up in Georgia by 5 am? Wow.

Josh Jones, 26, is a glass worker. He’s got the looks and the soul patch. Sings “Don’t Stop Me Now” by Queen. A bit over the top Broadway opening. Big wide “demonic” eyes. Sings backwards to avoid the eye issues. Still overacts, though. Paula likes his voice. Simon says karaoke. Randy puts him through. It’ll be a lenient week.

J.P. Tjelmeland auditioned next to Carrie Underwood three seasons ago. He’s destined to fail this year again. You can tell just by his personality, not just the weird stalker demeanor. The pink shirt is off-putting, too. Great, another Rascall Flats song. And, oh crap, it’s all words and no music, kinda like some of those songs they sing in church. Yeah, he’s got nothing. He doesn’t want to “do four years” in school (as if college were a prison) as a music major. He wants to be an Idol. “My pen has got more charisma,” says Simon.

Everyone appeals to the softy, Paula, this season. MONTAGE!

“Is it legal to strangle a Brit,” she asked. THAT was funny. I wonder who wrote it for her? I didn’t see her at the SuperBowl. Was it as bad as everyone says it was?

Asia’h (my spellchecker just fainted) Epperson, 18. Dad died while she was auditioning. Automatic votes come the Final 24. At least she didn’t trade on it in front of the judges. Oh, wait, she just did, while introducing her song. Whoops. Nice voice, though she misses bits of notes when her voice flat out disappears. It’s odd. Now everyone cries. She’s through.

“100 million percent yes” is Randy’s new catchphrase, is it?

Time for the Georgia Peaches and pageant queens. Blonde, smiley, but can they sing?

“I just said “do do American Idol.” tee hee hee”

She’s too cute for this show. Simon will eat her up.

Brooke Helvie, 18, is the beauty queen, complete with proper stance. She manages to smile through the whole song. She tries a little too hard. Sang a Jackson Five song. She’s a bit precocious. That didn’t work out so well this time. it did this time. Three yes’es put her through. And a big hug for Simon. And Paula. And Randy. I’m waiting for her walk down the runway now. Lotsa screaming. Dad with flowers.

“Possibly the most annoying person I have ever seen in my entire life,” quotes Simon. “I actually didn’t want her to sing well.” Bwah ha ha. It’s Julie Dubela 2.0, but she can sing!

Time for the Bad Singer Montage, as they all sing the same song (“The Glamorous” something or other) that the producers made them learn 15 minutes before they went into audition. That seems almost unfair, but we all knew they sucked at another song first. It would be a little more tolerable if the song had an actual melody or musicality to it.

Time for a train wreck!

Eva Miller: Vanessa Carlton is not a good audition song writer, though I love a lot of her stuff.

Paula: “Is your name Eva?”

Eva: “Yes, I is Eva.”

Oh, I want to strangle her already. In the cattle call, she looked like a banana in a yellow dress. (Picture AI6’s Big Bird, but skinnier and blonder.) For the auditions, she’s gone with polka dots and white leggings (with pink underwear, as we see in slow-mo replay later one). It just gets worse and worse. We all know she (a) won’t be able to sing and (b) will have an attitude when she gets rejected. I could tell that before Ryan introduced this segment.

Simon points out quickly how big a joke this one is. Paula agrees. Eva doesn’t.

Eva: “No this is not no joke.”

She deserves to get bounced based on the grammar, alone.

Alexandrea Lushinton: “My Funny Valentine:” Brought her 90+ year old grandmother with her. She has a voice, too, to go with that gimmick. She’s only 16. She’s wearing a boy scout shirt, though. Weird, but effective.

Commercial time: Oh, look, there’s some kind of election thingy going on today. ::yawn:: Pass.

Chris Lars wears a utilikilt. You KNOW he blogged his audition somewhere.

Jared Wiley has the falsetto girly voice. I could listen to it all day in a Disney cartoon.

“This is like something out of a science fiction movie,” sayeth Simon.

One of the reject girls throwing her hand up to the camera has the same large heart earrings that Eva was wearing before. They must be very popular in the southern malls.

Nathan Hite, 16, is the tone deaf rocker wannabe who was an eight grade repeater who promises a clever retort to anything Simon might say.

“Bedroom audition,” Simon calls it. Nathan promised clever retorts. He didn’t have one of those, either.

His parents were so proud of him, too. UGH

Atlanta has the youngest audition population we’ve seen this far. Plenty of teenagers instead of the Last Chance Bar/Wedding Band Singers.

Amanda Overmyer, 22: She’s a nurse and, most amazingly, a motorcycle rider who doesn’t wear a helmet.

Another Janis Joplin singer. Are those songs royalty free now or something?

She’s a hard rocker, and I kinda like her, too. They put her through.

@ihnatko is right — that Coca-Cola drink that Frist and Carville are drinking is completely flat. Not a bubble in it.

I can’t wait for this to be over so I can play some Guitar Hero.

Lots of apparently boring people make it through to Hollywood. They didn’t have a nice hook, so we won’t hear about them for now.

Final contestant of the day:

Josiah Leming: We go to the 18 year old drop out who lives in his car, singing with his guitar. He thought living in his car would be fun, but then he got lonely. Frickin’ teenagers.

Now he cries for IDOL.

First, he sings a song of his own making. Weird vibratto to his voice. Sings with a British accent.

Paula adores him. He’s through.

“The British are taking over,” quoth Simon.

I do want to see more of this kid. It ought to be interesting to hear him sing more songs. I love a good Brit singer. ;-)

19 others made it through from Atlanta.

That’s it. Auditions are over. I think. I can’t tell. There’s another auditions show tomorrow, but it might be a Best Of/Footage You’ve Not Seen Yet thing. The show ran a minute over time, so I missed the very end.

Dagnabit!Hollywood Hell Week is definitely next week, though. Right?

4 thoughts on “American Idol 7 – Atlanta Try-Outs

  1. Pingback: - the one-stop pulse for all Deaf-related news and blogs.

  2. I’m pretty sure Randy used the phrase “1 trillion percent yes” last night. I guess “100 million percent” just didn’t express his enthusiasm enough. He skipped right over the billions.

    As a mathematician, this phrase makes me sad.

  3. From what I understand, tonight is a “Best of the Rest” episode. Thank goodness next week is Hollywood week. The auditions are fun…for the first week. Now it is unbearable. Thank goodness we are moving on now.

  4. You were right, Josh. So I stole “Best of the Rest” for the blog post today. Thanks!.

    Dave: On the bright side, at least he didn’t make up a number to put before “percent.” There hasn’t been a “quadracentikazillion” or something completely silly. ;-)

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