Thoughts on the Urinal

I remember seeing an interview with Janet Leigh where she said she never took a shower again after “Psycho.”  A shower is, indeed, a very isolating place.  You can’t see what’s going on outside of it.  The sound of water is slightly deafening.  You’re naked and alone and, well, that creepy guy a couple doors down could very easily break in, fling open the curtain, and stab you to death until your blood runs cold into the drain.

That’s how I feel about urinals.  Think about it, men.  We’re completely attackable in there.  You’re facing away from the rest of the world.  You’re concentrating somewhere else. There’s a social contract that says we don’t touch one another when there, but that’s only as good as the paper it’s written on.  Generally speaking, your hands are not available to defend yourself.  Someone would easily come up from behind, push you against the heavy metal bulkhead of the urinal and crack your skull wide open.

Have I seen too many action movies?  Am I wrong to trust our favorite urinal cake holders?  How much do you really trust the people in the men’s room with you in a mall or a movie theater or some random restaurant or diner?

What, did you think I’d just be talking about classical music now?


 
 
 

10 Responses to “Thoughts on the Urinal”

  1. Gil
    20. June 2008 at 08:50

    Augie Wrote: We’re completely attackable in there. You’re facing away from the rest of the world. You’re concentrating somewhere else. There’s a social contract that says we don’t touch one another when there, but that’s only as good as the paper it’s written on. Generally speaking, your hands are not available to defend yourself. Someone would easily come up from behind, push you against the heavy metal bulkhead of the urinal and crack your skull wide open.


    Honestly I think about this everytime I pee in a urinal. How easy it would be…

  2. ShyGuy
    20. June 2008 at 11:48

    This is I why I always use the stall. Although I guess there are a whole new group of vulnerabilities in there…

  3. Cory P.
    20. June 2008 at 12:35

    I know no one here asked, but you know what completely bugs me?

    While I’m using a urinal at Target, Walmart, you know where ever…. when someone else comes into the restroom on their cell phone and continues their conversation while they pee at a urinal. It just creeps me out for some reason. It really creeps me out when they do that and take the urnial right next to mine even though there are others farther away.

    Cory

  4. Augie De Blieck Jr.
    20. June 2008 at 16:52

    You know what embarrasses me? When I’m in the act, someone calls me, and my cell phone starts vibrating in my front pocket. That doesn’t sound good at all.

    But,yeah, I don’t get the need to carry on with a phone call conversation while in the men’s room. I hear it’s normal in the ladies’ room. But that’s women for you. ;-)

  5. Phil Foxx
    20. June 2008 at 23:38

    Watching someone come in, stand at the urinal, do his thing, then leave while carrying on a conversation via his Bluetooth headset is what made me stop wearing my headset all the time.

  6. Augie De Blieck Jr.
    21. June 2008 at 07:33

    I saw a guy the other day walk up to the urinal, unzip, start his business, quickly stop, zip back up, and walk into the stall.

    Whoops.

  7. Rob Postuma
    22. June 2008 at 16:05

    Ironically, I somehow find it safer to pee in the shower.. but I digress !

  8. Rob B
    23. June 2008 at 10:30

    I almost never use the urinal, I’d rather go into the stall. Simple reason, I think:

    I’d rather piss down into a hole rather than get that physically close to a wall of piss from other people. Quite frankly, the whole idea of a urinal is a bit disgusting from that standpoint.

  9. Augie De Blieck Jr.
    23. June 2008 at 19:08

    I love how the most responded-to post I’ve done on this blog lately is about urinals.

    Don’t let me stop you, though — continue to vent! We don’t get this chance much, as men.

  10. Brendan
    25. June 2008 at 12:37

    I’m just glad that there is at least one other guy out there who thinks about how vulnerable you are to being attacked while using a urinal. I thought I was the only one who had paranoid thoughts like that.

    I still use urinals though – their just too convenient to pass up. I don’t always want to bother with stall doors and such.