This is the funniest thing I’ve read about the Olympics so far. Click through for the entire hilarious rant. Raising the Stakes at the Olympics – TIME
So I’ve been working on a new scoring system to improve the Games. The first step is to eliminate all but one medal event per sport. You know why Michael Phelps won eight golds? Because they were all for the same thing. Turns out, he can swim fast when he does two laps and four laps — and when he’s alone and when three other Americans go right after him! You want multiple medals? Do multiple sports. Phelps gets two medals only if he’s the best swimmer in the world and the best Taekwondoist. For soccer, the most popular sport in the world, the Olympics give out one gold for men and one for women. That’s fewer than go to race-walkers. Shooters get 15. Canoeists get 16, and that’s assuming that the 14 rowing events are somehow different. To be fair, under the current system, the basketball team should be having competitions in three-point shooting, dunking, rebounding, passing, that halftime trampoline thing, T-shirt cannon-blasting and restraining Ron Artest.