The Itsy Bitsy Idiot

The Itsy Bitsy Spider.  What’s his deal?

The dude never checked a weather forecast, that’s for sure.  If he had, he might have seen the rain coming and not attempted to climb a friggin’ water spout.  Maybe he might have climbed something without the potential for floods racing down them.

The sad thing is, The Itsy Bitsy Spider then sat around waiting for the sun to not just come up, but also do dry everything out, just so he could go back to climbing a water spout.  He might as well start pushing a rock up a hill.

And if you know how kids’ minds work, the song repeats itself immediately after the first verse, and the same thing happens to this pathetic dumb arachnid.

Is this simple rhyme a parable to teach us to never give up?  Or is it, like Humpty Dumpty, a nihilistic (yet cautionary) tale of bad things happening to naive characters?

Dumpty is a particularly silly character — he couldn’t even figure out how to sit on a wall right.  At least the spider was capable of climbing.  It was all external events that conspired against his ill-prepared walk.  Dumpty is just a fat and fragile egg with no sense of balance.


Next week: Frere Jacques: He’s not my brother, and he’s not even French.  What the hell?

Following that: Three blind mice — isn’t it horribly insensitive that we’re told to “see how they run.”

2 thoughts on “The Itsy Bitsy Idiot

  1. I gotta go w/The Itsy Bitsy Spider on this one. You gotta admire the ‘can do’ attitude. Dare I say it? Never give up and never surrender…or should I just milk the “Gonna Fly Now…” line? Except in this case, The Itsy Bitsy Spider wasn’t chasing chickens. Whereas, Humpty always struck me as a slacker, like someone you would see on the Jerry Springer Show. Had he had a job or been contributing to society in some way, he wouldn’t now be trying to put himself back together.

  2. If you ever played the PC game, ‘American McGee’s Alice’ Humpty Dumpty has crawled back up on the wall with a cracked shell. He sticks his finger in to touch his yolk/brains and then twitches with the heebie jeebies. That really creeped me out.

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