If Apple Were Really Sinister. . .

You know what would be really funny? Even funnier, perhaps, than Apple calling an event at the end of the month and just announcing an Apple TV update or some random MacBook processor upgrade?

I want them to announce a Tablet that’s just a big screen iPod. Literally, it’s the same thing with a bigger screen. There’s no fancy new user interface with it. There’s no content deals with cable television or book or magazine publishers. It runs iPhone apps, just with all the graphics doubled in size. (Key developers have been told to redo all their JPGs at twice the size.) It doesn’t have a camera, a kickstand, or BlueTooth functionality. There’s no built-in comics reader. No 3G. Just Wi Fi and a USB port. There’s only 4GB memory, even.

It’s just a big dumb iPod Touch for $1000.

Then watch the internet burn itself — and Cupertino, CA — to the ground for 24 hours. It would be hysterical.

And I only say all this because I’m pretty sure I won’t be able to afford whatever piece of awesomeness Apple DOES announce at the end of the month, so it doesn’t matter to me.