Qualcomm Reinvents the Keynote at CES

2013 was the first time in many years that Microsoft didn’t host the opening keynote for the Consumer Electronics Show here in Las Vegas. Instead, the show went to Qualcomm and its CEO, Dr. Paul Jacobs. We weren’t quite sure what to expect beyond a new series of processors, but what we got was weirder than anything we’ve seen in all of our collective years attending CES. While Chris Ziegler translated the surreal experiences into a liveblog and I took photos of the craziest moments, the rest of the Verge staff took to Twitter to react to the event. You can relive the insanity right here.

via Qualcomm’s insane CES 2013 keynote in pictures and tweets | The Verge.

Must reading. Must viewing. Sadly, they’ve replaced the full Qualcomm video with a Supercut of The Verge’s own making. That will only give you a taste of the madness, but it’s still madness, nonetheless. Delight in the cringe-inducing moments. Marvel at the desperate attempts of old fogies to found hip. Yawn as another CEO pretends to pretend to be Steve Jobs. (“Everything about [this car] is awesome. Even the sound system is awesome.”) Oh, man, that “Star Trek” actress’ appearance is awkward. CRINGE all over again. And, hey, there’s even Steve Ballmer. Can never go wrong with him.

And did I mention Big Bird alongside a guy wearing a Big Bird costume?

And Bishop Desmond friggin’ Tutu? (Who will for me always be known best to me as a punchline from Billy Connolly in the old (“Head of the Class” tv series.)[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xe5CE_-OAd8])

Qualcomm just replaced spectacle with awkwardness.

Thankfully, Qualcomm has been kind enough to post their own video of the event. Even better, they’ve included the actual Maroon 5 audio at the end. You’ll have to fast forward to about 85-90 minutes in to see that.